From denial to creation | UDaily

Editor’s note: Every year, hundreds of undergraduates at the University of Delaware pursue research under the guidance of a faculty mentor. Such experiences provided by UD — a nationally recognized research university — can be life-changing, introducing young scholars to a new field, perhaps even the path to a future career, as they uncover new knowledge. These spotlights offer a glimpse into their world.

Growing up in a conservative religious family, Sheik Hess-Lewis rejected and repressed their early sense of being different. 

“I wanted to make my parents happy. And I bargained often with God to take this away from me,” said Hess-Lewis, who uses they/them pronouns.

Gradually, as they grew up and gained independence from family, Hess-Lewis experimented with calling themself queer or bisexual before finally, during their sophomore year at UD, fully accepting their identity as a lesbian.

Hess-Lewis, now a junior fine arts major, expected the realization to bring a sense of relief and pride, but was surprised to experience grief instead.

“I wasn’t expecting that because it’s such a strange feeling when you’re realizing ‘this is who I am.’ It’s like you’re not supposed to be grieving what was past. It’s supposed to be a happy time,” they said. 

“Grieving the person you once were, or at least the person you believed that you used to be, as well as grieving the time lost in the years spent rejecting who you truly are, this really inspired me.” 

The experience led to Hess-Lewis’ Summer Scholar project “Denial Smells like Lavender,” a mixed-media artwork based on the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

The creation process

As a fine arts major, Hess-Lewis used the Summer Scholar opportunity to experiment with the creation process, envisioning the final work as five panels, each representing a stage of grief, composed of paint, poetry and mosaic, as well as linocut/relief printing for the centerpiece of each panel.

The process involved Hess-Lewis exploring their personal relationship to each stage, as well as trial and error to determine how best to work with the materials. One thing they knew from the beginning was that it would be a mixed-media piece.

“I love when people take more than one medium and combine it into one piece. It feels so collaborative, and that’s something I really wanted to experiment with, especially with trying to lean more into that physical aspect of creating art, as opposed to digital,” they said.

“I work primarily digitally,” they continued. “So challenging myself to make a project in which I used more traditional artistic methods was difficult, but fun.” 

In determining a color palette, Hess-Lewis experimented with flowers that represented certain traits and communities, and a monotone palette, before settling on using orange, white, pink and rose colors from the lesbian pride flag. 

“It’s straightforward,” they said. “If you aren’t fully aware of what’s being portrayed in the project, it could be a little ambiguous, but if they do know what the colors mean, they have more understanding of what the project is about.” 

Vulnerability

Hess-Lewis described themself as just “being the kid who could draw,” and said working on the project allowed them to bring more emotion and vulnerability to their art. It’s something they plan to continue.

“I definitely want to work on more expression of who I am and aspects of my life,” they said. “It’s an uncomfortable area for me, but that’s what art is.” 

Summer Scholars in the Department of Art and Design displayed their work during a student exhibition in September, and Hess-Lewis presented the first panel, Bargaining. Fellow students shared that the piece resonated with them. 

“That means so much,” Hess-Lewis said. “To be able to create art that reflects my life experiences and evokes feelings of familiarity and comfort in others — helping them realize that they’re not alone in their struggles — is so beautiful to me.”

Hess-Lewis will continue to work on “Denial Smells Like Lavender” using what they learned from the summer project to determine technique and style for their remaining panels.